Life, It sweeps you off your feet

Wow! Life sure has a way of sweeping you off your feet from time to time.
One of the things I have been contemplating a lot lately is family. Are you one of the people who is blessed with a loving, caring, supportive family? If you are I hope you thank God for them multiple times a day and don't ever take them for granted.
Are you one of those people who comes from a very dysfunctional family and you have no idea what love looks like or have any idea that you are capable of achieving great things because no one has ever loved you unconditionally, encouraged you to be the best you can be at whatever you love to do, or cared about your feelings, your thoughts, your life.

My story is no different than many stories and I have a feeling many of you will relate. Growing up there was not a whole lot of encouragement or affection. No respect and definitely no unconditional love. See in the Amish for some reason affection stops about the time you turn 5 or 6 years old just when you are about to enter school and need to have the love, encouragement and affection of your parents as you enter this sometimes very scary phase of your life. My parents' religious beliefs were very strict and we lived a very sheltered life. One of the things my family believes is you can never leave the church or walk away from their beliefs because if you do you will definitely spend eternity in hell. Well, when I was 23 years old I walked away from the church and their faith knowing full well what the consequences would be. It would shunning from my family and friends for the rest of my life as long as I did not return to the church and surrender to their teachings. As a parent myself I cannot imagine doing that to your child. I may not like the choices my child makes and while there will be consequences for choices I would never cut them off from my love or my life. If they choose that it is one thing, but me choosing that will never be an option. But this is exactly what happened to me. When I chose to leave home and leave the church they are taught they have to shun. I believe in the Word of God and I believe we are too shun sin, but never the sinner. If they think I am sinning then the Bible teaches them to love me in hopes of winning me over and causing me to abandon the sin. They have done the exact opposite. They have cut me out of their life. In recent years I am able to take my children to go visit, but the relationship is not there. As long as the conversation remains about the children or day to day life everything is fine, but if you try to talk about heart issues or your beliefs or why you made the choice you made things get ugly very quickly.

All of this would be fine except as my children get older the hole that is left by not having any grandparents or aunts or uncles or cousins in their life is really difficult some days. They have friends who are like grandparents and uncles and aunts but it is still not the same. These are people who love them and will love them when we take them to visit, but other than that they don't make any effort to be involved in their lives or our lives for that matter. I don't expect anything different. We are not blood related to any of these people so whenever that is the case the investment of time and relationship is never the same as when it is your own flesh and blood.

My point in all of this is if you find yourself in this situation you have to find somewhere to belong, where people will love you with an unconditional love and will treat you like family. One thing I have learned is you cannot look for this in people, because people will always let you down whether intentionally or not. You have to find a place of inner peace where you can find comfort.

One quote comes from Psalm 27:10 which states "Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me." This is a place where I find peace and where I have found acceptance. I have a heavenly Father who will always receive me and will never stop loving me and promises to never leave me or forsake me. I have found you cannot look for that peace anywhere but from God's Word and from God himself. You will not find that unconditional love and acceptance anywhere else not even in church.

So if you find yourself alone in the world let me encourage you to get into the Word of God and you will find you are not so alone after all. God is a loving Father who is just waiting to be in a relationship with you! So don't let life whatever the circumstance you find yourself in sweep you off your feet and land you on your back. Get up, get in the game, and God your Father will be there with you every step of the way. He may take your breath away, but He will always keep your feet planted on the Rock!!

A Book Called "The Shack"

I have been determined to read at least one book a month. My most recent book I am reading is a book that was recommended by several different people. After my best friend told me, Barbara, you need to read this book. You will never be the same after reading it. I decided it was time to get the book and read it. She was right. I will never be the same and furthermore I will never look at God, Jesus, or the Holy Spirit the same as I have in the past. It will be a book that I will have to reread several times to get the fullness of the message, but if you are able to have an open mind and an open heart I definitely recommend this book.

I am wondering how many of us as Christians think we have left legalism and religiosity behind and repeatedly find ourselves entwined in its grip. I have so many questions right now about true Christianity. What does that look like in the eyes of God? I have no doubt I could go ask 10 people who believe they are definitely a true Christian and I would get 10 definitions for the phrase 'a true Christian'.

My heart breaks at how callous and selfish we have become. Love and compassion are no longer at the forefront of the church. God is love so therefore anything outside of love is not of God. Think about it!
All God requires of us is just to be............Do you realize there is nothing you can do to win God's approval or to win his love? Think about it!

People That Surround Us

The older I get the more I realize the people we surround ourselves with have a significant impact on our lives and beliefs. I want to take a moment and share with you some recent happenings and reflections my husband and I have experienced and are contemplating. We live in Texas. Texas is an awesome place to live. From having grown up in the midwest it is a different culture here in Texas. We love it here. It has always been my husband's dream to live in Texas. After being here for 3 years we realize that after you have children having a network of people around you for support is very important. Although we have made several great friends we do not have a support system that will allow us to make the kind of changes our family needs to make in order to provide for our daughters the life we want to be able to provide for them. We are having to make some very difficult decisions, but one thing I have made one of my mottos when it comes to raising children is it is not about me. Once I bring children into this world my obligation is to do what is right for them and not what I want to do. I will be held accountable to God for the decisions I make that affect my children for the rest of their life. So no matter what I want to do or what my husband wants to do we have to make our decisions based on what is best for our daughters. We have come to the conclusion that the people who surround us it what is going to make all the difference in their lives as well as ours.

Fall Memories

Fall always brings many memories for me. Being raised Amish I only went through 8th grade before graduation and then I was at home for 2 years. At the age of 16 I became a schoolteacher in the Amish school system. This was something I had always wanted to be as I was growing up. The Amish schools only had 2 rooms with 2 teachers so my first 4 years I taught 5th - 8th grade. The last 3 years of teaching my 4 grades were made up of different grades, but always included 7th & 8th grade. I absolutely loved teaching and I still miss it very much. So that is the first thing fall reminds me of when I see children heading back to school.

The second thing I think about is leaving home. September 29, 2008 marks 13 years since I left my parents' home and life as I had known life for the first 23 years of my life. It is always a bitter sweet time.

I really miss the closeness of family and community that we had, especially since I live in Texas now and when I moved here 3 years ago I did not know anyone. I now have 2 little girls who are growing up without grandparents or aunts and uncles and cousins in their lives. Especially around the holidays it always is difficult.

Sweet because I have truly found freedom in knowing I have been forgiven. That Jesus my Lord paid the ultimate sacrifice on the cross and He died in my place. It is quite amazing when you think about it. I had no chance of ever seeing heaven until God paid a price for my soul with the shed blood of His Son Jesus on the Cross of Calvary. I still remember the day when that revelation hit me. God loves His creation so much He would pay such a high price for us who are such great sinners. So although some days it is a very lonely time being so far away from friends and family, I am working on making new friends and I realize now I am a part of a very large family, the family of God. It is quite amazing!

All in all I love fall especially in Texas because it is when the heat actually becomes tolerable. 70s in the daytime and 50s at night. Wonderful!!

Fondest Memories

I am reflecting tonight on what I would call some of my fondest memories growing up Amish. I would have to say seeing my Mom come home with my one and only baby sister has to be one of the top memories. I was 10 years old when my sister was born and so far I only had brothers who loved to torture their sister. Today I am very proud of my sister. She is a great Mom getting prepared for baby #4.

When I was 7 & 8 years old one of my fondest memories is spending time in the sugar shack in way back in the woods watching as my great uncle cooked the sap that eventually became maple syrup. For a treat my great aunt taught us how to make maple cream, which is a very rich, creamy maple candy.

From the time I was about 10 or 11 years old we would go to Sea World in Aurora, OH once a year on a Saturday. We would do the chores before we left in the morning and then have some of the neighbors do the chores in the evening and we would stay until the last skiing event happened with fireworks. We always stayed for the fireworks!

Christmas was always a special time and there were things that became tradition at our house. My Mom would always buy us a book of Lifesavers and she would put together a cup of all kinds of different candies and put them at our place at the table along with our book of Lifesavers. We would always get something fun, but the one thing we always got for Christmas was new underwear and usually I would get a new dress or two and my brothers would get new pants and shirts. Something I really miss and remember especially was getting together with all of the aunts, uncles, and cousins at my grandparents home for Christmas Dinner. My grandparents had 69 grandchildren and 8 children with their spouses. My great aunt and uncle always came as well. They never had any children so they were like a second set of grandparents to all the children. We did the traditional turkey dinner and there would be multiple turkeys, hams, mashed potatoes, gravy, corn, cole slaw, dinner rolls and lots and lots of desserts and candies.

My Mom is an amazing cake decorator and the first time I really remember her making a huge cake was for my grandparents 50th wedding anniversary. She made a multiple layer cake and decorated it with gold. It was beautiful! She made all of our birthday cakes and cakes for many special occasions. Today she still makes wedding cakes for the Amish weddings in her area. Something that I will always cherish is that even though my Mom disagrees with the life decisions I have made she still agreed to make my wedding cake and she even brought it to the church which was an hour and a half away from where they lived and set it up in the reception area. That will always be a very special memory. Thanks, Mom.

I will share more memories next time.

Why Do I Do The Things I Do?

This is the question that has been on my mind this week. There are so many things we are taught in our lives by people who are supposed to be there to steer us right. From the parents we have to the teachers to the preachers to the friends and parents of friends and grandparents and other family members. So how do I ever determine who God created me to be? This is the question that has been weighing heavily on my mind of late. I have made it my mission that I am going to spend time alone with God for as long as it takes to answer that question. Apart from influence of church, apart from influence of those who are supposed to be there to teach us the truth. I have decided that I am going to become a student of the Word of God. I am going to rededicate every day of my life to study until I am convinced in whom I believe and until I have the confidence to never again be swayed by those who claim to have your best interest, especially spiritual interests at heart.
I am not convinced anymore that the way we do church in America today is what the early church looked like and what God meant when He said forsake not the assembling of yourselves together. I am on a mission to seek God's heart for His church today. He is coming back to receive a bride spotless and without wrinkle. How many of you want to be a part of that bride?

Legalism is a crutch and a replacement for faith, I am convinced of this fact. Having a list of do's and don'ts takes out any need for walking with God by faith and truly having a real father/child relationship. All I have to do is follow a set of instructions and then I should be OK. All I have to do is to look to the church to tell me what a Christian should look like. I am sorry this is no longer good enough for me. I have a feeling the church cares much more about what I look like and what I do then God does.
I believe God cares about my heart. He cares about my motives of why I do what I do. We sing He is my all in all, but what does that really mean?? I intend to make God, my Father my all in all in everything I do and I pray the Lord will help me to be a leader in bringing people back to the fundamentals of the gospel of Jesus Christ! Most of what is on my heart to do right now will go against the grain of the mainstream Christian today, but that is OK. I have been rejected and austersized before for giving my life over to the Lord Jesus Christ. Paul says we should count it all joy when we are persecuted all the day long. Jesus is my joy! He paid the price for my mansion in heaven!! I owe my life to Him and I intend on being radical for Jesus and stop being religious.

A Noble Profession

As promised I will spend the next few moments reflecting on my days as an Amish schoolteacher. As some of you know and others may not know the Amish only allow their children to attend school through the 8th grade. They feel with the professions that are available to the Amish there is no need for an education beyond the 8th grade. So I was done with school at age 14. For the next 2 years I spent my time reading books when I should have been helping my Mom with the cleaning and dishes and gardening and lawncare and baking and laundry. Of course when she caught me reading when I had instructions for doing other things the consequences were never pleasant.

I am a spring baby so the summer after I turned 16 I decided to pursue a career in teaching. I was almost immediately called upon by several schools looking for teachers. I accepted a position at a brand new school as the 5th - 8th grade teacher. I would be teaching students who were just a year or so younger than I was. The Amish schools only have 2 teachers and each one has 4 grades and they can be divided any way the 2 teachers choose to divide them, but the most traditional way is 1st - 4th in one room and 5th - 8th in the other room. I absolutely loved school so I was very excited about this opportunity, but I was also scared to death at first. I did not know any of my students as this school was located in a different part of the community. It was located very close to my maternal grandparents whom I stayed with from time to time during my 3 year stint at Gates Hill School. My co-teacher was someone who had been teaching for several years already and her and I became great friends even after our 3 year stint of teaching together. I still try to go see her whenever I get the chance to go home. It was time for me to move on so I went to teach at another school closer to my home. I was there for 1 year as the 5th - 8th grade teacher again. From there I went to the school in the district next to my home district and I taught at Scout Ridge School for the final 3 years of my teaching career. While at my final position I taught 1st, 6th, 7th, & 8th one year, 1st, 2nd, 7th, & 8th another year, and 3rd, 4th, 7th, & 8th my final year. I ended up teaching every grade during my 7 year teaching career. I decided after 7 years I needed a break from teaching. I was going to take a year off and then I would consider going back to teaching. I did not expect the radical change God would bring into my life that year. I will write about this another time.

During my teaching I absolutely loved to teach and it is obvious God has given me a gift for teaching. There were many challenges, especially when it came to dealing with certain parents, but overall I would say it was a very fulfilling experience. One I look back on with many fond memories. I still think about my many students and I pray for them. I pray that they will first and foremost come to a saving knowledge of our Lord & Savior, Jesus Christ and then I pray their lives would be blessed and that their dreams would come true. I pray that above all they will find truth and freedom. The Bible says "we shall know the truth and the truth shall set us free." Praise God for truth and for freedom!!
I have fond memories of dodge ball games when the weather would not allow us to go outside and play. We would play ping pong, dodge ball, card games, & board games during the winter months. At times we would go outside at recess and play in the snow, but most of the time we would play indoors. In the fall and the spring there would be games of volleyball, softball, prisoner's base, kick the can, and many other running games as well.

Our subjects for the younger ones are Reading, Phonics, Math, English, Writing, and German Phonics. For the older ones there was Reading, Vocabulary, Math, English, Writing, Spelling, Geography, German Phonics, Writing, Spelling & Reading. Most of the curriculum was made especially for the Amish schools with the exception of the Geography and in 8th grade the History books.

There is one other memory that I am glad it is only a memory. The outhouses! There were no indoor bathrooms at our schools. There were only outhouses. We also had a furnace that had to be stoked and logs on the fire at all times and the teachers had to take care of that or else everyone would be cold and find it impossible to study. That is a brief overview of my years as a schoolteacher............BK